Something, but nothing remarkable…
Well l decided to stop the tablets, all of them, there are more damning side effects with them in my system that just the physical pain of my neck, shoulder and entire right arm which is bad enough, bad having to cope with feeling sick all the time, chronic headaches and a constant upheaval of toilet routines.
Spoke to the Drs. about a potential stomach lining tablet to assist and they denied me this saying it wasn’t the tablets, it was my bowel, which pissed me off. Suze and l spent nearly £4k a couple of years ago determining my stomach/bowel problems was due to the diet and l had to undergo serious life style changes in how and what l ate.
I am on a pretty restricted diet these days in consideration to as little as 3 years ago, and my list of what l cannot eat compared to what l can is way longer. Candida yeast overgrowth is a bitch and because it is not recognised amongst the big stars such as Diverticular disease and crohns is therefore not considered. I was diagnosed finally by an alternative healer who trust me when l say was the last person l wanted to see, as it was not a case of being antagonistic towards those methods but more a case of l WANTED to believe that conventional medicine could aid me. Instead all l got from the traditional pathway was ‘there is something there, but nothing remarkable’ which is the typical answer for when no ‘disease or cancerous growths’ are discovered but is little fucking consolation to constant pain and discomfort.
That chronic pain and discomfort was something l had been experiencing from my very early 30’s, so to finally have something acknowledged by someone albeit alternative, changed me almost overnight. I say almost because despite many beliefs l hold personally, l just need to be able to landmark something with conviction and then once that has hooked me l am like a religious zealot, l am hooked forever.
Over the years and since a child l have seen things that people would pooh pooh too easily, and yet l have seen them with my own eyes to not discredit them. In 30 years l had tried the path of supposed normalcy with the NHS, put up with tests and trials of this and that, tablets, investigative and invasive work, so l should have followed my gut reaction literally and gone alternative from day one. But we live and learn, which is why l am so terribly adverse chemicals as l know the damage they do and continue to do to our systems.
I hardly ever visit the Drs, my credo of my leg would have to be hanging on by a thread before l would seek medical assistance is actually true, but this also stems from a much darker and eeper past with my Mother.
Many years ago when l was a youngster, she dragged me to various hospitals to have me tested for this and tested for that under the guise that l wasn’t ‘right’. Perhaps, back then it was the Asperger’s sitting there undiagnosed and unrecognised that she saw as being my problem, who knows. She had it fixated in her head that her son needed curing.
In my teens finally, she was diagnosed as having Munchausen Syndrome by proxy [now more commonly known as FDIA – Factitious disorder imposed on another], which was a blessing for me at least, because the damage she had caused for me as a youngster was not just painful but horribly destructive and instilled a fear into me of the medical profession.
She had initiated these visits as a way of garnering attention to herself, because whilst she considered her son in need of some cure, her husband was not paying her the attention she needed and so desperate for sympathy to her other halves’ weird behaviour she sought solace from anywhere she could.
Of course these things are never discussed these days, once more a case of selective memory. But as much as l love my mum, sometimes just giving her a call is seriously hard work, because l then have to listen to the long list of ailments and hospital trips and operations and so forth. Of course she is in her late 70’s now, and old age as we all know pays its own kind of special homage to our ailing bodies, but as unhappy as she is, she is happy that people are awarding her attention.
It is sad, but that’s why l hate going to the doctors if l can avoid it, which over the years has awarded me more damage anyway, but hey ho, l never said life was seen through rosy glass.
So now, l am only using cream and spray to combat the pain, until my next Drs. appointment next week, and in truth l think they can stick their chem meds up their asses! I just want to hear about the x-ray, that’s all, so we can finally move past this shit and l can start to rebuild the injury.
But for now l will just have to tolerate the daily pain.
Have started some of my other series this week, so am quite pleased personally to be opening up the other memory banks within my mind, and still the stories spill out like there is no tomorrow, don’t think l will be running out anytime soon of personal prompts.
Suze and l are both walking around like people in our 90’s never mind our mid to late fifties, l think Scrappy is the only one who is faring better than us, but then she sleeps all day – sometimes l envy her, but then bless her she is an old dog and l find myself worrying about how long she has left. The vets say she is in excellent health for a dog of nearly 15, but that still doesn’t stop you at times when she is in a deep sleep watching for her breathing.
So QFTD is nearing it’s 100th entry, which will be this Sunday and then it will be gone. It has been a good series, but it has changed way too much from its original idea, but a new series is on it’s way, there is always something new around each and every corner, bit like us.