“Darling, you are a right proper burk!”
I have to be honest and concede to the fact that this last weekend has been particularly painful for me. I am currently awaiting news from Deal hospital concerning my x-ray appointment, and l am hoping that l don’t have to wait much longer as this really is fast becoming quite a bane in my life.
I am having a lot of problems with the tablets as none of them are cutting into the pain levels. My threshold for pain and discomfort is relatively high having had serious pain over the last 20 years or so with various stomach and bowel problems since my early 30’s which were finally successfully diagnosed as being chronic candida yeast overgrowth in 2016. So a complete change of diet and a very restrictive diet at that meant that within a few short months, l was finally able to free off a lot of pain. However anyone who has any experience of crohns, IBS or diverticulitis will tell you, that any pain of this nature hardly ever centres on calm or quiet pain, but pretty damn severe at best of times.
So pain and high are fairly used to each other, l can’t generally stand tooth pain, in a nutshell it fucks me off, and thankfully that has eased off over recent weeks, obviously because maybe the body is feeling sorry for in light of my current situation – who knows.
I have slept badly since Friday, l tend to sleep on my right side and despite trying to stay on my back or my left side, l always wake up back on my right. Friday to Saturday wasn’t so bad, but Saturday to Sunday was attrocious as was last night to this morning, and if anything last night was progressively worse. I found myself awake at practically all the time zones between 11pm till 4am, when l had to get up to take more tablets as well as have a walk around the garden to try and walk outsome of the stiffness.
The solpadol tablets are used for extreme measures but as you will recall, they knock me over and out and l simply cannot have that but they also award me a headache of a pretty serious nature, the ibruprufen and codeine don’t give me a headache, but make me constipated like the solpadol and ‘just’ cut into the pain. But now l am on Cuprofen at 400mg each and to take two and a paracetamol to round it up to 1000mg and still these aren’t touching the pain, which is quite alarming!
However, l am no longer constipated, but had to put up with mountainous results yesterday after the excavation began which saw me visit the Royal Highness at least a half dozen times with chronic stomach cramps! Joy!
Yesterday, medicated up, various creams and sprays and a couple of hotwater bottles, and only by around 6pm did l start to feel remotely human again. Suze was out in the garden, so l donned a pair of Wellington boots, and offered assistance. Suze had been doing some work which had totally knackered her the previous day, and here she was bless, out in the garden, so l thought a little bit of help would assist.
I knew l couldn’t do much, my right arm is pretty useless now, and if not for the fact that l can still use my fingers, l might find an inability to actually type. However even typing takes its toll with numbness and pins and needles, but in comparison to everything else, that is nothing, and l have gotten used to that since January of this year, so it’s no biggie.
Now, you will not know this hence why l am telling you. I love the sun, but l am NOT stupid with it, l prefer heat over being cold, however currently the weather in England is quite fierce, yeah sure other countries are enjoying hotter climates all the time, BUT l am in England so this is reflective upon the here and now for me.
Suze is a sun worshipper, and currently is resembling a reverse Robin Red Breast, and by that l mean, using the pciture above as an example, her breasts are the only thing not red, but her nose and arms are.
Now Suze is one of the first people to ridicule me if l am out in the sun too much, however of late it appears that l am the adult in the family, which trust me when l say is somewhat unusual behavior especially from me. But the amount of times l am having to say “Do you have suncream on?” or “You should have a hat on!” or “It’s too hot, stop being a burk darling – if this was me you would be barking commands at me by now.” or even this one “How is it sweetheart that your credo for me is “Do as l say, not as l do and yet you don’t listen to your own advice??”
These are met with poo pooh gestures at all times and so now, my lovely partner is looking like a proper reverse robin red breast. I have further suggested that she should try and balance it out. “Darling you should garden topless, l don’t mind honestly, and that way your tan would be more evened out.”
Alas so far, nothing has come of this, but you can’t blame a guy for trying. I mean we live in an enclosed garden, so no one is going to see anything, so what’s the problem?
However yesterday, l offered my help, and Suze just gave me one of those glares that some mothers award their children, you know the look? That look that says “WTF are you doing?” Well l got that look. I knew l couldn’t do much, but l was adamant to offer something within my threshold of comfort. So l started to bag some garden rubbish using my left hand. Wasn’t long before l was in agony, around 20 minutes.
Suze in her infinite wisdom called me a Burk, and barked at me to get inside and stop acting stupid, l was doing myself harm! She said “Darling you are a right proper burk!”
Now, when l call Suze a burk, it ‘s spelt that way B U R K – burk, as in idiotic, and not to be confused with the other BERK spelled that way, as that has a rhyming slang meaning to it, and that’s not the one we use. Many people are confused about this and when they hear the term BURK mistake it for BERK and think you are being really rude when in reality, you’re not, they simply have no grasp of the fact that there two very distinct spellings and meanings.
However when Suze calls me a BURK, she actually spells it like this … T W A T.
So in addition to me thinking l was helping her out, which she was thankful for she still couldn’t help herself with a loving term of BURK!
Suze, this morning getting ready for work is aching, l am aching like hell, – well l was already aching like hell anyway, but ha ha!! Suze was so unbelievably red much redder than yesterday and has burnt herself and every now again l kept on hearing her say to herself “Suzanne your such a bloody Rory Burk!!” inbetween the ouches and the eeks and other colourful terms, gotta laugh!