The Depressingly Internal Mind

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The Depressingly Internal Mind

Why?

Do you insist on knowing me so, so well?
For in doing so you openly admit of sensing my hell!

You are saying that you see deep inside my soul?
For acknowledging that, then you MUST see the hole?

Long ago, my mind and body broke so hopelessly!
Where were you then, when l was sobbing mercilessly?
You offered me no comfort, none l seemingly recall,
When you shattered my life, and left me for the long haul,

Pleaded with you l did, begged for total obliteration,
Nay, all you did was laugh in my face, and awarded ruination!
Having whipped my body and scraped my mind over the years,
Trying to combat the hidden terrors, and beat back the ordeals!

Tormented spirituality, setting my soul ablaze and aflame,
Insanity lingering, brain searing, fighting back the pain,
Witnessed the depths of the truly gruesome and the damned,
Surprised at my own immortality, as was originally planned!

Seeing with an absolute awareness the horrors of humanity,
You allowing the torturous upbringing of my insanity!
Allowing my wretchedness to recede into a broken heart
Brutalising my essence, not content with just one of the four part,

Hostility awakening within what is left of this weakened husk!
Still you tease me cruelly, from morning to the dusk!
Slowly you drain my ability to perceive any kind of happiness,
Constantly breaking, slaying me, and leaving me with lifelessness!

Oh should l desire your remarkable gift of the learning curve?
Uncontrollable urges, of suffering at your ‘just’ preserves?
Eternally punished for what may l ask, what have l done?
Not once have you ever answered with any true vocation,

Infernus blessings for a vowless and unrestrained existence,
Continued bereavement, when l expressed deathly assistance,
An intelligent mind that teeters upon the brink of destruction,
Nearing daily, the biggest loss of all, total extinction!

Hungering for the end of all that l thought was crystal clear,
Darkening clouds from Sheol itself, so far yet so near,
Toying with what’s left of this beautiful yet doomed mind,
Spreading the cheer of lunacy like it’s not a crime,

Seen much l have, created from within the mental tomb,
Inspirations exploding forwards from a barbaric womb!
And what is it now? A grisly abyssal abode of the dead,
So you see me do you, know me eh, know my head???

© Rory Matier 2009

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