I have always been fascinated with the supernatural, supernature, horror, the unknown, the occult, black magic and strange ‘magick!’ In my late teens to my early twenties l had the opportunity of being an apprentice to a ghost hunter which was good fun. Is there more to the occasional glimmer, the odd bump, the sideward glance of a shadow, the thought of someone walking over your grave, the gut feeling of foreboding?
Why, when l have lived here all my life,
Do you look upon me with so much scrutiny?
And now perceive me to be the cause of all your ‘strife’,
Like my presence is the culprit to the inner turmoil and mutiny?
I was here before you and your family, l will have you know,
Before you moved here and caused so much dreadful noise,
So why stay if you think you should go,
Or is this ruse just another of your wasted ploys?
When l was so much younger,
And this house was filled with genuine beauty,
With children who knew the joys of laughter,
And others’ still who lived their lives so carefree,
Way back all those years, l so enjoyed my time,
Yet, l have sat here for most of this forgotten century,
Back then of course, it was not seen as a crime,
To have one such as l sited within the study,
But you now come here with all your plans,
Of adventure and of course to ‘redecorate’,
Why should you of all people simply understand,
That l am somewhat adverse to your notion of ‘let’s cremate!’
What is it that you expect from me seriously,
I am what l am, and have been since my day of creation,
How can my staying here be causing you so much misery?
Why not just keep me in the loft hidden?
Okay, so l may have caused a few startles,
When you thought you had settled in so very nicely,
And with my mischievous behaviour reduced you to babbles,
But you did over react by referring to me as a ‘banshee!’
I am nothing but a simple chair, a rocking chair at that,
Generations of us have been in households since the dawn,
And here you are cursing the day that l turned you into a hellcat,
Bent upon my destruction!
I could have caused you so very much more fright had l really tried,
And caused you all to run around like lunatics,
Instead l simply started rocking backwards and forwards by the bedside,
One very dark and stormy night, it was a simple trick!
But of course, you – the Madam of this household,
Obviously the one who wears the trousers, think it best,
That l should be taken away because l am ‘old’,
And quite possibly spiritually possessed!
You make me laugh, l am more ancient than you could ever know,
And here you are thinking that just by easing my chair away,
That you will cleanse your new house, and l will suddenly go?
Oh l think it’s safe for me to say this very fine day,
You must stop and think first, if any us will be leaving these premises,
It will not be my rocking chair or indeed me,
But you and all your charges,
Who will run from here, screaming in absolute terror once l am free!
So maybe you should reconsider your choices my dear,
And ask yourself if we all simply cannot all live together,
Ignore me, stick me in the corner and forget your fear,
For what am l but a piece of furniture,
To be honest if you really knew the truth to this ancient relic,
You would not wish to ever sit within my comfort fair,
For l used to be known as the ‘strangler with fabric’
And now l am simply the ghost of this dead mans’ chair!
Guy or Bloke, Your Choice