During the time of the Lido season, there were of course, ‘slow times’, just outside the busier months of June, July and August, when the pool, really only got busy after midday. I had to be there still at the same every morning, and still had to check off all the usual tasks and requirements, just on a lesser scale. Monday to Friday could be remarkably sluggish. Our contract with the council as caterer’s meant we had to open the cafe every day irrespective of the weather and however busy it might or might not be.
It could and did quite often during the month of May become quite boring, and you were most of the time sat there doing sweet FA! Occasionally, one of my staff would pop in for a visit and we would have a drink and have a chat.
It was during these times that the ‘Walls and the Telecom Prank’ came into a life of its own!
So without further ado, here they are:
Naughty, yes l know, but really bloody funny!
The Wall! 1985
There used to be a number you could dial first, so that your number would remain hidden from the person from who you were calling, there may still be, but l don’t do this anymore, so l don’t know.
Picking a random number from the Telephone Directory, any number and just taking note of the Surname, not that it mattered much in this particular prank …
Dial said number and await for the caller to answer.
“Yes good Morning, how are you today?”
“Fine thank you, who is this please?”
“Sorry to bother you, but l am looking to speak to Mr Wall if l may?”
“Mr Wall?, l think you may have the wrong number, there is no Mr Wall here, sorry.”
“Right l see, looks like our chaps may have the details wrong, no problem, can l speak to Mrs Wall please?”
“No, there is no Mrs Wall either, look l really do think yo….”
“Interesting … are you saying there are no Walls in your house?”
“Yes, that’s right there are no Walls in our house!”
“Crikey, loooook out, what keeps your roof up then??”
Then you hang up!!
I am still laughing at the memory of it all!
The second prank was a little more specific ……..
The Telecom Engineer
This one required more patience and a lot more mental dexterity …
Once again, you dial up a random number and very specifically use the name.
“Yes Good Morning, is that Mrs Fiddlesticks?”
“Yes, yes it is how can l help you?”
“Madam, this is your local telecom service, l just wish to inform you that today we are currently carrying out tests on the lines in this area, to see if there are any snags, hold ups, delays and so on.”
“Oh thank you, will that mean that my service is restricted at all?”
“Only for a little while Madam, in fact, literally only for 7 minutes. We need 7 minutes to test the length of your line from where we are to where you are. Now what this will entail, is that for 7 minutes, your phone will constantly ring, do you understand?”
“So for 7 minutes my phone will ring constantly, as in one long ring or several?”
“Several, it will basically be us ringing the phone constantly over 7 minutes.”
Okay l see, that sounds a little annoying, and l am to answer it or not?”
“We would prefer that you didn’t please. By doing so there is a good chance that you will electrocute the engineer, and that wouldn’t do, especially for Charlie, who has had a few shocks already this week, not sure if the fellow can take another.”
“Oh yes l see, that does sound nasty. Ok, so you will let me know when you are done, will you, or will l just know?”
“You should just know, when you hear it stop ringing, that’s usually a clear sign we are finished. My thanks Mrs Fiddlesticks and here’s to wishing you a lovely day and thank you once more for your patience here.”
That was the preparation. So that gave you the freedom to ring for 7 minutes and what you did was you rang for 6 minutes and you made each call a varying a degree of length as this would confuse the house owner as to how long you had actually been calling. Not every time did this happen, as most people were pretty good with their numbers, but sometimes, some weren’t ……….!!
They would pick up the phone for you to then curdle an agonising scream from Charlie ….
You would hear this “Oh my God Charlie, l am so sorry!!!” With the phone being slammed down again!!!
Yep and you guessed it, l am still laughing!!