Warning: Viewer Discretion is advised here for the final instalments of Remains of the Day – this is NOT for the squeamish! This is not some light gobble or a quick scarf of some grub, a chow down for the early birds oh no, alas not. This is a gorge, a nosh up for some fiendish characters indeed! This is for those who really do enjoy to gormandize in a healthy horror buff spoofish way … read on if you dare …
Tomorrow l shall write up the back story to this devilish fare!
Serving at Le Café Cannibal
Swonny is truly an expert in his chosen field be this chef or barber,
For when our dish returned so beautifully prepared,
I was indeed taken by a genuine surprise, seeing her naked form l was enamoured,
So pink from the scrubbing, cleanly shaven and no longer haired,
To not spoil any of her flesh, we hoisted her above with rope,
There she dangled for all to see,
Until slowly she again awoke,
With her lips sewn tight, she was unable to scream like a banshee!
‘Here ladies and gentlemen, we have a fine specimen of human’
As you can no doubt see, she is truly well fleshed all over,
Well-proportioned finely shaped woman,
Tonight we intend to sell her all, and not award any to our clothier!
Sorry Gene, but this is too beautiful to merely waste,
Allowing the body to lose this shape,
Only to attire someone else’s fashion taste,
In a coat, shawl or even curtain drapes!
In true society tradition, there can only be two chefs that perform the cutting task,
Ginio and Lecter, l request your presence here please,
For one of you is to slice whilst the other can baste,
Perhaps even to first release some fat, in order to shine the body with grease?
Janine Might alas, cannot do much but attempt to writhe and stare,
As two leopard chefs arrive by her dangling form smiling,
Looking at her in absolute admiration, and pondering whether to start here or there,
Perhaps even to carve with some inventive styling!
It was Lecter, who first spoke to her, ‘Good evening Madam Janine Might’
‘I am to be your chef here, your personal fine young cannibal’,
‘Ensuring that l share your portions right’,
‘My name is Lecter, but my friends call me Hannibal!’
‘Perhaps you have heard of me, l am quite well known’
‘There is quite a bit of history to me’
‘And my ability to dine with others when alone’
‘But tonight l am yours, yours only!’
Her eyes opened completely wide at this terrifying bit of news,
But what can she do, except allow the proceedings to take place,
Whilst we all share in Hannibal’s’ creative abuse,
He places a mask upon her face!
‘Not good to have such terrifying images present to scare the clients’ he remarks,
‘And so Ginio, now we must begin the process of bidding slices’
‘Stop this Tomfoolery and get on with our task!’
Ginio has already brought forwards to the altar the bizarre devices,
That is to tear and rend flesh from our lucky victim,
Cutting into her body like it was butter,
And doing so in perfect timing to the music’s rhythm!
The body was lowered to a trolley so that the show could begin,
Ginio with expert flicks of his wrist, and armed with a small meat pounder,
Started to tease the flesh, with a constant flow of hammering,
Which tenderises the meat and makes the flesh more rounder,
The snap of bones under his skilled hands is a real pleasure to my ears,
Although the rib cage is left intact,
Everything else is smashed and awarded by cheers,
From the bidders who also like to hear the cracks,
We like to make each auction a magical performance of its very own,
As it is indeed such a rare event,
All we could hear from Janine was an inward agonising moan,
With the acceptance that her life was now spent!
Now that this tenderising is complete, we can at last start to cut,
But first we must start the auction,
Almost at once we had a high bid for the heart,
Which is always quite common,
We knew that this would have to be taken last,
For to take it now, would surely spoil the nights’ fun,
And the bidder accepted this courteously when asked,
Joyously stating that this was fair as of yet, the cutting had not even begun!
Huge trays were now placed underneath the trolley to capture some of the blood,
For our sommeliers were now in attendance,
And were already making suggestions upon the approaching flood,
Of special clarets, Bordeaux and burgundy’s that the liquid would grant!
The body was again hoisted upwards but this time with the feet apart,
For this is to make the selection of fillets, rare cuts and steak,
And the release of fats, and offal an easier task,
Years of experience in butchering, and one has to learn by mistakes,
So now we have the carnivorous pleasures of eating,
At its extreme best,
Knowing that if one is to be splitting,
A carcass into many pieces, then it is to be achieved with no stress!
Each ankle at this time has been cut so as to allow the hook entry,
This now makes the hanging of her body much easier,
And to make everything else much less messier,
Not forgetting the chef’s job at hand of retrieval!
I am at this time, ironically eating Janine’s meal, which arrived a little while back,
Seems a shame to waste it, and it makes for suitable intermission,
Whilst awaiting the cleansing of the body and the removal of the tack,
That is not needed to be purchased and can be easily hidden!
At this time, l hear a friendly ‘Hello there Jacques!’
Looking behind me, l sees my good old friend ‘The Editor’ Marguerite,
‘Oh hello, welcome back!’
‘Obviously you are here to eat?’
‘Perhaps you could do me a small favour afterwards on your way back home?’
Of course says she, anything to help out!
‘Could you drop something into an office mail box in Rome?’
‘Of course, that is not a problem, as it happens it is on my route!’
Looking now, at what was once Madame Janine Might,
I can see that she has been properly slaughtered,
And that now the truth of this event is visible tonight,
Still she be beautiful despite being seriously altered,
But my cravings for the flesh nowadays,
Are completely different to what they were when l was a young man,
Desires and sin of sexual nature are always outweighed,
When it comes to the eating of human flesh l now understand!
For now she has been beheaded, skinned also to a certain degree,
Bled dry, gutted, and cut through from the pubic bone,
Allowing the clients to see the richness of this night’s delicacy,
The carcass slowly coming to two halves from once just being one,
The buttocks, breasts and other valuable slices plus organs,
Have each been placed onto silver platters,
Hands and feet off and looking like long lost orphans,
Most of which will end up in our kitchens for soups and stock making later,
Her rib cage especially desired, has also now been extracted,
Shoulders, neck and muscles, even the brisket,
Thigh fillets, upper arm steaks, upper leg also subtracted,
Everything has been stripped away and sold to the buying market,
For now all that is left of this once ‘great’ writer,
Has been carted off to our heated kitchens and is being cooked,
To be caressed by our loving cannibals and turned into mouth size biters,
Not one scrap of flesh is left unattended or overlooked!
And we find a use for everything from the body,
So there is no waste, absolutely none at all,
Bones will be ground down and made into our specialised coffee,
And an added bonus from her will be soon her article upon our wall!
There are many benefits to having a society such as ours,
When important people, writers in this instance,
Go missing; these benefits are turned into alluring powers,
For to have members who come from all professions and distance,
Means that never are you finding yourself under suspicion,
From authorities who are looking into strange disappearances,
As such the police never once came to see us,
Why should they in fact, it would make no sense,
For even Madame Might’s editor made no fuss,
When one considers that the local police chief and a few other high pointers,
Are leopards of Le Café Cannibal’s society,
Have been since the tradition was first anointed,
All posing questions were never aimed at me,
The article in the ‘Restaurateur Ranch’ was a great success,
And received many highly structured reviews and raves,
All thanks to Marguerite Pontess,
Another leopard for many a day,
Some of our leopards, have been with me from day one,
Whether they wanted to be or not,
But however, the fact remains the same, craving of human flesh is still an addiction,
And not something a politician as an example would need to be in the news spot!
So we live a very contented lifestyle,
Partaking in the finer art of cannibalism,
A much under written delicacy yet vital,
And still very much a daily act of the flesh eating animal kingdom!
I bid you farewell, and bon appétit!
Guy or Bloke, Your Choice