With Privileges

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There have been times in my life that have been undecidedly uncomfortable within the environment and its people. Such a time was from 2009 – 2012 when l was living in Lincolnshire with my two dogs. 

From The Frying Pan Into The Fire!

2009 was a bad year for me in many respects, my relationship was gone due to my newly awarded Asperger’s and that l was seen as a freak, my business was in tatters, l had very little money and l had nowhere to live. I was at the start of an incredible journey, another chapter to my story, a new diagnosis to deal with and on the chasm of a major breakdown. Family and friends had ostracised me for my desire to keep my two dogs with me as they advised rehoming, and l said l couldn’t do that as they were my best friends, and my only true supportive friends.

I rented a caravan, rather stupidly, as l viewed it in the Spring of 2009, l never once thought about Winters or the cold, l only thought – l must keep my two dogs safe and with me. Sadly however, l was at the mercy of two horrible landlords who treated me appallingly because of my autism. I was retarded in their eyes and was to be treated as such with no dignity, and my weak spot was my dogs. They had me over a barrel many times during those three years and treated me like a white slave.

I was hidden away, underpaid and treated worse than a mushroom. A real learning curve. In 2012 October, l was rescued by the council in a daring bid in many respects with almost frontal aggressions. it was a time l never wish to return to, and despite moving on, it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth because it shows the attitude of people in many respects.

Years later l would read of an event that reminded of those years there in the Fens. a farm had been closed down when they found disabled people in caravans on a farm that had been subjected to cruelty by landlords who thought that ‘those people’ had no other purpose in life except to serve as subservients to a higher class.

I try where and when l can to find a positive from each negative episode of my life, l had my dogs, l was surrounded by beautiful countryside, l found myself and l was able to fully explore my creative side. These things were the only things that got me through each year.

Life is not meant to be easy, we have to work at it, we are responsible for making the most of it, but sometimes we have to endure hardships to understand who we really are. Sometimes we have to get to the lowest of low to rise up.

However, it is part of my journey, part of my story and a great part of me.

With Privileges

Too many know not who or what l am,
Hidden away out the back, away from society,
Some lonely and misunderstood man,
Keeping to himself, harmless and otherwise ordinary,

To be seen but most assuredly not heard,
Lost in the shade and kept in the dark,
With a voice that can only be censored,
For fear that if listened to it might hit the mark!

Out of sight out of mind, think it’s safe to say,
With abstract friendship used as a ruse,
For timeless unpaid satisfaction each day,
And with complicated denial or ability to refuse,

Known only as the ancient white boy at the back,
Living behind the stables with his two dogs,
Residing within the long ugly metal shack,
His home a run down caravan nicknamed the ‘hot box’.

With its’ low level amenities and no luxuries,
Fit only for the ancient white boy of way out back,
Surrounded by the backwaters’ growth of serenity,
He who tends the horses and cleans the tack,

On call for most of the day if needs so desire,
All the seasons through without reprieve,
Sweeping the garden, or logging the fire,
From early morning, past dusk into eve,

‘Tis not as bad as it may at first read,
Can be peace found even in times of conflict,
But mind has thought of mutiny,
Yet sense betrays guilt as the would be verdict,

For l am just the ancient white boy that lives out back,
Society would list me as a paid up member,
Paying for solitudal pleasure, yet under constant attack,
For being a single white bachelor,

Nay to those whom think that slavery is dead and gone,
Or that the class system is a thing of our historical past,
For both are still present, not at all withdrawn,
Just hidden in backwater ways that are set to last,

I am an ancient white boy that lives out back,
That seeks happiness and an easier living style,
Matters not to them whether l am white, yellow or black,
Just as long as l can slave each day under the guise of the gentile,

Too many know not who or what l am,
Hidden away out the back, away from society,
Some lonely and misunderstood man,
Keeping to himself, harmless and otherwise ordinary,

Yet will they ever come to understand or learn,
That way out back ancient white boys like me,
Who pay to live like this because of a long yearn,
Are still subjected to underpaid slavery?

November 2010

7 thoughts on “With Privileges

Add yours

    1. Yes it was a dark period, and yes those days have passed. But it was also enlightening, and a real digging deep experience into human resource and reserve in so far as my journey.

      I don’t miss the landlords or their abuse and mental cruelty, but at times l do miss the serenity of where l was, the peacefulness. I certainly don’t miss the 40 foot hellbox, that was never repaired and the winters there were a real test on me.

      But thank you for commenting here today 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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